Because you are so dear to me, child.

Oh my tiny child, I remember waiting in that wheelchair for your father to pick us up and take us home.  I remember worrying that your little body might not be able to handle such cold weather.  That first night was so hard for you.  You were hungry and I didn’t know it, so you cried your little heart out.  I worried that you would starve in just a few hours time.  But your cry never bothered me, it still doesn’t.  You hollered in my ear, and I held you closer.  You kicked and waved your tiny arms about, and I sang to you.  You would stop and listen to my sounds, my words.  You fell asleep to these words:

How glad the many millions of Perceval’s and William’s would be, to capture me.
But you had such persistence you wore down my resistance, I fell and it was swell.
You’re my big, brave, and handsome Romeo.
How I won you, I shall never never know.
It’s not that you’re attractive, but boy my heart grew active
when you, came into view.

The world will have to pardon my mush
‘Cause I’ve got a crush, my baby, on you.

Now. Now you’re nearing the five month mark and I wonder if time will ever stop for just a moment so that I can hold you for a little bit longer. Now I know when you’re hungry. When you’re tired. When you just need a cuddle. And I gladly and patiently give you all the time you need. Now, I can tickle you and stand you up on your little legs, and I don’t worry so much about harming your once crystal-like skin. I was so delicate with you, especially when I changed your clothes; I thought I could break you. Now, you smile at me when you see me. Now, you reach out to me. For now, I can make everything better. Then, I would ask, “Why, why do you need ME so much?” Now I wonder how long this will last, and I find myself trying desperately to hold on just a little bit longer.

It’s hard to imagine that you were once so tiny that I could hold you in one arm. I want to keep you here forever. I want to kiss your teeny fingers every day, little one. I want you to know how much I love you. How much I adore hearing you little voice call for me, every time. How much I cherish your morning smiles. How much I welcome your evening pouts.

I don’t want to forget anything about you. Your smells, your sounds, your gestures. I want to lock them all up in a little box and share them with you later.

You are so very precious to me, little one. I wish I could keep you in my arms forever. I can’t, but I’ll hold you here as long as you’ll let me, my child. I love you. And I’ll still love you when you trample my Peony tree, or break the window, or, heaven forbid, steal the car. But I’ll worry about that later. For now, sleep little baby. Sweet dreams, my little man. I’ll be here when you wake up.

I love you.