Californians

So, last night at dinner with Rus’ family we started talking about vegetables and Californians. It began with talk about a bean casserole Rustin made and went something like this:

Rustin: “This casserole is AWESOME.”
Family Member: “Tooting your own horn? It’s good. There I’ve contributed.”
FM: “Saffron would make this!” (Nephew. Also, quote from Ratatouille)
Janey: “I LOVE using Saffron.”
FM: “Janey doesn’t cook anything unless the recipe calls for at least 5 ingredients.”
R: “And one has to be imported, and the others have to come from a garden somewhere.”
J: “I’m not saying the casserole is BENEATH me or anything!”
R: “RIGHT!!!”
(laughter, laughter)
FM: “Why don’t you grow your own vegetables?” (Nephew)
J: “Because I’m Californian. I don’t grow vegetables. Everyone ELSE grows vegetables.”
FM: “And Californians don’t farm?” (Sarcastically)
J: “Not if you’re from Orange County.”
FM: “Beets grow in Fresno.”
FM: “Isn’t that in the Inland Empire?”
J: “It’s up North.”

Two things occurred to me. One is I haven’t made a decent meal in a long time. The other requires an explanation because otherwise I would sound completely ignorant and someone might take it seriously. Let’s start with Fresno’s geographical location. It IS up North, but that’s relative if you really don’t know where ‘Up North’ is (especially if anything South of you is either San Diego or Mexico). San Francisco, Livermore, Fresno, are all ‘Up North’. Exactly where in California each of these cities reside just doesn’t matter to a girl from the OC. Why? Not because we’re superficial and dumb, nonono. But because only two things matter to a true SoCalnian: where the good sushi is, and how to get to the beach.

Moral of the story: Don’t ask a Southern Californian for directions. The best we can do for you is say, “Drive toward/away from the ocean”. We frankly don’t care if you get lost, and anything outside the OC isn’t worth the effort.

***@Kelly: A cookie and 10 points are on their way. Spoke to the postman in the civilian clothes -apparently he knows the postman in the minivan- promises a speedy delivery. Unknown BFFs… quite possibly. PS: Love the Coach.***
***@Everyone Else: Kelly’s got you people beat. A new quote shall appear in the About soon, you can still redeem yourselves. ***