Because I Can’t Say It Enough…

It is a funny thing to have a ‘realization’ the same night your significant other does.

Tonight I was reminded of a time when I did not want a married life, when I viewed monogamous relationships as scary and unnecessary. I was young and stupid, but it was all I knew… for a very long time. For me to go against that, was the most terrifying leap I’ve ever had to make. It seemed incredibly unnatural to have a healthy relationship with anything, and it was something I had to work very very hard for. But when I decided I wanted to do things differently, to have a fulfilling life as first a wife and then a mother, and to do this happily and without regret, I went for it and haven’t looked back since. It was the best decision I could have ever made. And now, to be so lucky to have married a wonderful man and to have everything I could have ever asked for and more, I have a hard time understanding why there are so many unhappy married couples out there. I just can’t relate to them and they’re frustrating to me. This is the person YOU – hopefully- chose to spend the rest of your life with and you resent them because you want them to change/don’t do enough around the house/don’t give you enough affection. These things, these ‘topics’, are so petty and so not worth it. For me to have worked so hard for so long it just seems stupid to fight over these things. And I hope I never lose sight of that. Tonight, I am reminded just how lucky I truly am.

For everything that you are, including and not dismissing all of the things you do that drive me crazy, I could never ever imagine my life without you. You, the person that I wake up every day for. I don’t expect anything more from you than what you are, what you have been to me, for me. You inspire me to do better and challenge me to love you harder every day. I don’t know what I did to deserve this life, but I am so grateful for it. Grateful because you are in it. The house, the work, all of these things wouldn’t mean a thing to me if you weren’t with me. How could I ever make you understand this? It’s enough to know that you feel secure where you stand with me, I don’t need anything more than this. I want to experience everything with you, I want to watch you experience everything. Thank you for letting me come on this ride with you, for choosing me and loving me through every turn and crack in the road. I could never ever give you everything that you deserve in this life, but I will try any way. And when we are too old use our walkers and hold hands at the same time I could only hope then that I’ve made your life as complete and fulfilling as you’ve made mine at this point. Don’t ever change, but if you decide to, let me change with you. That is all… just let me come along with you. I could go on, but I’ll save it for when you are safe at home and lying next to me in bed. ‘I love you’ doesn’t cut it. But I do. Very much.